whats wrong with me?

i dont feel like myself im so lost! Im just so unhappy! im so tired!im so fat im so angry! Im tired of my mom living so far far away! i miss my 3 brothers, who are all over the world! i miss my dad who doesn't feel he needs me in his life at the moment! I miss my grandmother (memaw) most of all she was the person that i could talk to when i was feeling like this! she has been gone now for 5years cant believe that! I miss HER i miss HER I miss HER so much!! I just dont feel like i have the support group like i use to! Ive been such a downer lately this isnt me What is wrong??? I am missing something huge in my life and i hope this new beginning is what I Need! I dont sleep i just lay in bed at night getting pissed cuz Toms asleep and im not! I hate listening to him snore! When im at work i love it im happy go lucky but its when i get home and its quite when i start feeling like this! There is so much i need to be doing around the house but im too busy sitting around feeling sorry for myself. My friends are always inviting me to hang out or do something but i really cant remember when i took any of them up on there offers!Why in the hell am i pushing my friends away?? I feel like i need a vacation and i just had one a month ago! Im still really upset that Tom and i lost our baby next week will be three months since it happened and im so miserable!!!! i know everything happens for a reason but im still so mad about the whole thing!! i need prayer im going through alot!!!